Internets?

What, exactly, is the Internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a "modem " can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo. This is called "logging on," and once you are "logged on," you can move the "pointer" of your "mouse" to a "hyperlink" and, simply by "clicking" on it, change your "pointer" to an "hourglass." Then you can go to "lunch," and when you come back, there, on your computer screen, as if by magic, will be at least 14 advertisements related to Beanie Babies (which currently are the foundation of the entire world economy). This entire process takes place in less time than it takes for a sperm whale to give birth to twins.
- Dave Barry, 22 August 1999